call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
