He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
