did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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