Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(925): View more from California

Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead

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(925): Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead http://tfl.nu/949y

Replies (8) Good night (1425) Bad night (579)
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(763): View more from Minnesota

My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.

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(763): My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats. http://tfl.nu/m7i1

Replies (1) Good night (1768) Bad night (638)
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(440): View more from Ohio

pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.

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(440): pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me. http://tfl.nu/oa57

Replies (48) Good night (4844) Bad night (929)
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(701): View more from North Dakota

Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday

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(701): Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday http://tfl.nu/rqca

Replies (36) Good night (4599) Bad night (875)
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(817): View more from Texas

She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.

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(817): She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up. http://tfl.nu/2rkk

Replies (9) Good night (994) Bad night (3360)
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(281): View more from Texas

Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.

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(281): Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character. http://tfl.nu/f69z

Replies (11) Good night (7787) Bad night (1362)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?

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(732): like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers? http://tfl.nu/ohng

Replies (7) Good night (2389) Bad night (883)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?

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(814): How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed? http://tfl.nu/yb44

Replies (8) Good night (2686) Bad night (635)
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(509): View more from Washington

He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.

(425): View more from Washington

Is that even possible?

(509): View more from Washington

I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.

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(509): He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me. (425): Is that even possible? (509): I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/y48j

Replies (17) Good night (947) Bad night (2780)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth

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(262): Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth http://tfl.nu/ck6h

Replies (2) Good night (728) Bad night (353)
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(317): View more from Indiana

Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.

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(317): Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South. http://tfl.nu/tqtt

Replies (1) Good night (263) Bad night (477)
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(941): View more from Florida

That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.

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(941): That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that. http://tfl.nu/m9pn

Replies (1) Good night (715) Bad night (285)
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(604): View more from British Columbia

He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.

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(604): He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween. http://tfl.nu/lx69

Replies (0) Good night (328) Bad night (485)
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(318): View more from Louisiana

WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!

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(318): WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW! http://tfl.nu/fuwp

Replies (1) Good night (328) Bad night (313)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.

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(413): So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible. http://tfl.nu/fq23

Replies (1) Good night (537) Bad night (369)

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