watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.