dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.