Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!