i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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