His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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