I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
