I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
