Where is the hickey?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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