Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
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Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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