When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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