y did u give ur computer a hand job?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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