When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
