ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
