I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
