either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
