I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We were destined to go to rehab together
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
