marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
