tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
