After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
