Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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