If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
