so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
where are my eyebrows?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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