Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
