so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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