like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
