I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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