How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
