Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
