She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
should my penis look like a turkey
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
