so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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