it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
