maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
