It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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