And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
How external is "for external use only"?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
