my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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