it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
