***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
