im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
