Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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