i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
