When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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