no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
