im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
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He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
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Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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