Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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