Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
