Sponge bath it is.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
