Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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