And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
