Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
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Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
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it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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