you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize