yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize