nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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