just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
