Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
