I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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