dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
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