how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My pussy is not your playground.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
