I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
