Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I wear drunk well.
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