1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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