That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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