Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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