my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
